Swimming with a Life Jacket

Years ago when I was a boy scout my troop made a little trip to Yuba Lake in Utah. The lake is part of Yuba State Park and is located east of I-15. The lake has an interesting shape due to the fact that it is made by a manmade dam on the Sevier River. The lake takes a long and somewhat windy shape following the river and the valley. 

There were a lot of scouts in my troop, troop 866. We had been out on the lake water skiing and enjoying the water. At that time I was a little timid because I had never been water skiing while all the other scouts had been. I lacked the confidence to try in front of my peers for fear of failure and ridicule. There were many things the boys regularly did that I rarely, if ever, had the opportunity to do. Water skiing, not to mention boating, was one of them.

After we had been boating we were on the shore and I challenged the scouts to a swim across the lake. It didn't look like far and I felt that it was something I could do. Only one scout was willing to step up to the challenge and he was a swimmer. I was doomed to lose from the get go but I wanted to say I swam across Yuba Lake. Besides, I couldn't really back down from my challenge now that it had been accepted. 

Before we set out our leaders insisted that we wear life jackets. They told us of a man that drowned near an outcropping/island due west from where we were after his boat sank. A life jacket gets in the way a little bit  while swimming but because our leaders insisted we put them on. 

We began the swim and the other scout got ahead of me. This was no real surprise since his family had a pool in their backyard and he swam on a regular basis. He reached the other shore well ahead of me. He celebrated his win and started swimming back to where our troop was. I knew I had lost but I continued to my goal of crossing the lake. 

It got hard to continue swimming but I trod on. Swimming at first seemed quite easy but the difficulty had increased the longer I was at it. About midway across the lake I started having real difficulties. The life vest, which at first was a nuance, was the thing that enabled me to keep my head above water. I could not have survived the crossing without it. The waves that were seemingly small were large when it was just my head above water. From time to time a wave would go over my head enough to cause me to choke and cough up water. At this point a bit of stress began to set in. Not being able to breathe is not a comforting feeling. I was very grateful for my life vest and its buoyancy keeping me afloat and alive.

I had thought of turning back but I continued on since I felt I was at least half way. I did make it to the opposite shore and I was so very glad to stand upon ground and be able to breathe freely. I turned back to see my opponent was arriving back to the shore where our troop was waiting. The anxious feelings of survival which were dulled upon my arrival to the shore were mixed with the feelings of isolation, ineptitude, and the greatness of the task of returning to my troop. 

To return back the way I had come would require swimming the same difficult distance but this time starting out tired. I thought of walking around but I didn't know how long the lake was. I knew I was at a short point for crossing and that the lake was quite long. There was no sign that anyone was going to pick me up in a boat and I couldn't see any sign of a road for me to be picked up at on my side of the lake. After thinking about it I decided to swim back across. I figured that even in my current state it would take much less time to swim rather than walking back.

So I began my swim back across Yuba Lake. I kew I was tired and so I took my time on my return trip. If it were not for the buoyancy of the life vest I would not have attempted to return by swimming. Returning was much longer and harder that the initial crossing. I still had issues of waves but because I was pacing myself I was not breathing as hard so I could hold my breath better when a wave did lap over me. 

On my return I do not recall being made fun of much seeing how all but one person accepted my challenge. In all I swam a total of one mile. It was a difficult swim which was obvious when I dragged myself out of the water. Yes, I did not win the race and had lost by a great margin but I had finished even when I could have turned back. On my return I did not explain the trials and predicament of that swim. I was exhausted and ready to go home.

I'm sure not many of the boys remember me swimming across the lake and that none of them think on it much, but it is a memorable moment for me. In many ways I feel like it is an example of my life at large. I have aspirations that I think are obtainable but there are other people who are much more adept at them. I am passed up and at times I am floundering and in one my head. Yet, there are things and people who help me in little ways that help me through. At times those things can seem to be a nuance and a restriction but can hold me up and even save my life. One of those life jackets is the gospel of Jesus Christ. I have heard people say how the gospel is restrictive and holds them back and they want to be free. Yet, I also know that when trials come the gospel can lift us up. The gospel can help us through this life and keep our heads above the drowning water of mortality around us. Even the best of us need the life jacket of the gospel but it is still up to us to do the swimming.

December - 12 - 2011

For all of you who don't know I have taken my blog out of the public eye. That would mean that nobody is reading this and I'm just talking to myself. I think I prefer it this way. I now don't try and say things to not offend dome people, I say what I feel... what I know. I also don't have to deal with the fact that no one looks at my blog and feel the insignificance of what I am writing. I want to be significant. Yet, I do not feel very significant. I know that I am significant but sometimes I just want to hide from everyone and not have interactions with anyone. Now is one of those times.
Just as I was sitting down to write this my wife wanted to give me attention. It was a little frustration because I was just about to do something, and it is late at night. I wanted to write this to record what I feel and what I think so when some soul does read this they might get to know me a little better. Though there is a part of me that hopes that no soul will ever see it.

I know I am weak and that I have many imperfections. I have a desire to help others but I feel inadequate to do so. One reason for that is my lack of ability and another is people not wanting my help or not wanting my presence. I am also a hypocrite in this for my wife has been trying to give me attention and let me know she loves me but I am caught up in my own sorrow and self pity to want attention or put myself aside and show my love by returning in kind the love I have for her. I feel embarrassed at my lack of heart and withdraw further into the hollow of my ineptitude.
I have no job. I hardly look for work  because I don't know what I want or where to go to find it. I cannot even take care of the house like I should since I am home all day. Today I sold a book online for five dollars. That is all I made today. I pick Darby up, late, and bring her home and have no food ready for her. She works and makes the money for our rent, food and all that we have at this time.
I have another grievance against me. I have gained about forty pounds over the past five years; I'm sure that it has made me less attractive to my wife. She is so good to me and I feel that I am constantly dropping the ball, or failing to pick it up.
I do not know what to do. I seem to float through life and not take control of it. I feel as if I allow events, people, and circumstances carry me where they will. This happens all the while as I stubbornly hold my views and give my opinions and try to make a difference in the world. I ask myself what the purpose is of what I do? How does a person change they way they are and they way they have been, yet still retain their positive qualities. I have positive attributes about myself, I would hope that I do but I do not want to brag because I know I have my faults.
I just wrote a thought I had that in a sliver of a part gives a glimpse of how I feel. "Robert Burns... How did you do it? You had so many wonderful insights but you were a despicable man in your personal life. Oh how you might have mourned your imperfections and your woeful life choices! With such great words such as yours, how can people with such lack of linguistic talents hope to be any better than you?" But we can be better, though rocky the way. The crushing stones and scratching sand can make something smooth and beautiful; something to be desired. I hope and pray that I can take these disadvantages to make me a better man... A better husband... A person who can be loved by any person because they see the good in me. Because they see godliness and they acknowledge God their Heavenly Father.

It has been a while since I wrote. I have had many things to say and comment on but I have not gotten around to writing them. Since there has been so many things I will skip much of it.
The world seems to be changing quickly. People are not using reason or common sense. They jump to conclusions or believe what they hear. There is a tendency among the human race when something shows their wrongs, shortcomings or faults, they label it as deranged,  a falsehood or as a heartless attacker. It has left me in wonder how the morals and values of this age have died at the hands of selfish preduists and for that gain for one. 

We have forrgoten our fellow man! I do not see many people acting out of the goodness of their hearts, to help others and to do what is right even though the masses may oppose.  

I lament my position. I lack assets, riches, fame, power and prestige. I do not have much to be desired by others, Yet I am a man  created as an average man. Human kind would be nothing remarkable if it were not for their ability to become better and to do good.

I have been reading the book John Adams about the life of John Adams, a founder of our nation. He was a man's man. He knew what was right and he would do the necessary sacrifice that was needed. Not only he but his wife as well. We would do well to emulate his life and actions. He did what he knew was right.

This is a tough world and it seems to be going to the pigs but we must be our best even if others don't.

In other things, I have had a little job  doing score board for volleyball and basket ball for a high school. I continue to look for work but nothing has come to fruition just yet.

Deer Hunting - What is Your Mindset?

Deer Hunting Season just ended in the state I'm living in. It reminds me of a time when I was in middle school and I mentioned that my family hunts. When I made the comment a girl said I was a horrible person for killing deer. I took the next few weeks explaining to her how my family hunts for food; not just for sport. She still stated that I was a ruthless killer of poor defenseless animals. I continued to explain all of the work that goes into the hunt. Not only is it a lot of work but we also process our deer rather than having it done commercially. To have deer meat processed commercially reduces the quality of the meat because of the laxness of the job done. I explained to her how deer has to be handled with care if you want to end up with desirable meat. I also showed her how we depend on the meat ( which we do or do not get in a short time period) for the rest of the year. It saves us money as long as we do it ourselves.

She still though I was heartless. I then explained the difference between getting deer meat and beef. The cow does not stand a chance. The cow does not stand a chance unless they die early from other causes. For example my landlord has two cows that he has been raising to sell for some money. This last week one of them died from pneumonia; hundreds of dollars were lost in an instant. In any case the cow will die at a determined time if not sooner. This girl did not have a problem with eating beef and she started to realize that hunting was not so bad. It can be bad when people hunt just to say they got one or the biggest one and then they waste the deer. These people are wasteful and they think what they want is more important than everything else.

 

This same mindset runs rampant among our society.  In jobs I have had I have seen people waste so much. In construction there were areas for us to recycle copper and other metals. There woulbe people who would through away recyclable items even with a recycle bin right next to the trash. In a job as a janitor I witnessed people throw away food that they had not touched, clothes barely worn, even money. At an hourly paid job there were other workers who wanted me to work slowly so the job would take longer so we would get paid more. These things are wrong. Now I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect at using everything and having no waste. There will always be some waste. The question is why is there waste. The waste I have been mentioning is caused from laziness, disrespect, feelings of entitlement, greed, pride, and ignorance. 

I hope that whoever reads this, if anyone, will examine their life actions and change. Stand up and to that which is right. examine the whole situation  before you make a judgement. 

If you are wondering if I got a deer this last week I can tell you that I did. Now my wife and I will have some needed meat, I am unemployed and we can use the meat. I am grateful to have food for this coming year. We are blessed.

This weekend my wife and I celebrated our two-year anniversary. I truly am married to a wonderful woman. She is the girl of my dreams. We both have our imperfections we we are happy and we love each other. For all of you who are not married I have one bit of advice, love. Now before you think you have passed the test of love let me put up a list of things included in with the word love. When I say love I refer to "Charity", also known as the "pure love of Christ." This is the strongest kind of love that exists and if you do not have this kind of love in a marriage your love might not be sufficient to keep your marriage running. Since I am speaking of the pure love of Christ it would only be proper to use the scriptures to explain this love.
In 1 Corrinthians 13 it says:

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Charity never faileth:"

 The prophet Moroni talked about this love while speaking to the Lord (Ether 12:34)

"And now I know that this ^alove which thou hast had for the children of men is charity; wherefore, except men shall have charity they cannot inherit that place which thou hast prepared in the mansions of thy Father."

If you have this love you can get past all problems. But remember the list:

Suffer long - You do this through trying times. When problems come you do not just give up, you keep going.
Kindness - If you are not kind you are not showing love. True you sometimes have to make corrections to people but if you do not have love towards them it will not be taken that way.
Envieth not - This means you do not get jealous, you do not want what others have. You do not get mad because someone did something wrong, or you do not like what they did.
Vaunteth not itself (not selfish) - If you are selfish you can not be in a loving relationship... be selfish always take and does not give to a relationship.You cannot have what you desire all the time. Not only can you not continuously have what you want but you should seek to please and give to those you love.
Is not puffed up (not thinking you are better) - if you think you are more important or better you have much work to do to truly love someone. If you love someone you will put them before yourself. Does that not show love?
Not behaving unseemly - One way of explaining this one is being mature. When there are problems you do not make a seen or make a big deal out of it.
Seeking not your own - You do not strive to make yourself look good and make others look less that you. You do not think of yourself. You are constantly thinking of how to help others and to make them happy and their lives better.
Is not easily provoked - problems occur and hard times come. There are even those people who want to make you mad, or those who we find annoying. You do not get mad or "even" to have the lack of control that these bring.
Thinking no evil - You do not strive to be mean, bad, untruthful, or hateful...or to make others hurt, cry or anything else. You do not think of how you can get the things that other people have for your gain or their loss.
Not rejoicing in iniquity - If you do something wrong you are never happy about it. Never. If other people do wrong you are not happy about it nor are you ok with it. You look upon wrongdoing, iniquity, sin, and lying as a deadly disease that should be avoided and not permitted to stay.
Rejoicing in truth - Things that are good, right, and true bring you happiness. They bring you happiness because they are doing what is right. They do not always beneficial in world terms but they are better for a person and society than to lie, cheat, and steal.
Bearing all things - There are many trials and hardships in life and with love you can make it through them all. You and the people you love have trials, health problems, death, loss, sorrow, oppression, and more but you can make it through all of it. You will do all this with those you love as well because you are willing to go through anythings and everything with them.
Believeth all things - You believe you, and those you love, can make it through any problem or trial that you may face. Good can me achieved and you need to believe that they can be achieved.
Hopeth all things - You always have hope on the nicest day or the worst, darkest day that things can and will work out for the better.
Endure all things - No matter the challenge of life, the situation, or a person you will endure it or them. You do this because of your love for them. You go through all the pain, suffering, and challenges because it is worth it.

Above all this true love, charity, does not fail. You cannot have this love and then fall out of love. this love endures because there is not a think that can get in the way. But this love is dependent on you and not any other person. Everything relies on your and your choice. To love like this you have to learn and practice at it but in the end it depends on your choice and your thoughts and actions.


I am writing on this because there are always challenges in marriage and all people have imperfections but it is up to how you will act and react. My wife and I are happy but we still strive at having this perfect love and nourishing it daily. We hope that we can do this and we believe that we can have this love.

It makes me sad when a person I care about does not have this love and wants everyone else to change. I have someone in mind that uses other people's faults as excuses for their lack of patience, kindness, love, self betterment, or kind words. I want to help them become better and I know that they can but when it comes down to it I know that I need to be my best and hope that they will choose to make the changes needed. I pray they will.

Today I woke up to my wife's alarm. I forgot to set mine so it was almost like sleeping in. When we were leaving our apartment to take my wife to her work it was dark, wet and cold. The world has changed in such a short amount of time as far as the weather is concerned. This last weekend was beautiful, sunny and warm.

The weather has changed but I feel the world is changing as well. Economies around the world are about to break under the strain of debt. Adding to the self destructive pressure is the feeling of entitlement among many people. A great example of this is the "Occupy Wall Street" and its related movements around the nation and the world. people have gotten themselves in debts they cannot get out of and they try and lay the blame on banks, government and the economy. It is hard to get out of a financial hole and it takes effort and sacrifice. Taking out a loan is not sacrifice... paying it back takes sacrifice.

University graduates are coming out into a workforce that is brutal. When you add debt to the stress it can be overwhelming. However, stress and problems to not absolve a person to abase themselves by demanding someone else take their chosen burden. I have seen what happens to a people when they demand things they think they are entitled to.

I lived in Argentina for a time. I went there not knowing the language or the culture, but I went to give of myself; to help the people to help themselves. Now I do love Argentina and the people who live there, yet all people have flaws. The government of Argentina  is a socialist government. Now I know that the word 'socialism' brings up preconceived notions. Let me tell you was the society was like.

There are many people in Argentina who think that the government and other people should take care of them. It is not an idea that is strange or foreign. Most people grow up in a home where their needs are provided for. The reason for this is because as babies and children we are either not capable of caring for ourselves or we have not yet learned how to take care of ourselves. In those impressionable and growing years it is vital for parents to prepare their children to become positive additions to society. The problem with the overall society in Argentina is that people have to progressed out of the children phase of their development. I would go on to say that this is found all over the world in varying degrees. Now before you get yourself all worked up thinking I am blindly making assumptions, and claiming that these people I talk of are less than others, know that all these people can change. The key to change is having the desire to change.

But why should a person desire to change when it is easier to revert to the child's way of whining and moping and throwing a tantrum? Well, there are a few questions one can ask themselves to ascertain whether or not it is worth it to change:
Am I happy constantly avoiding the consequences of my choices? I know people who have gotten themselves into some major problems. When they try and avoid the problem the problem does not go away, and they constantly have that problem hanging over their head. Have you ever been asleep and then there was a constant annoying noise that was interrupting your sleep, like a dripping faucet? Now we think that the people that can just ignore it an go back to sleep are amazing and tough. But what about the person who gets up and turns the faucet off? They go back to bed and they sleep well because they do not have that nagging noise disturbing their sleep. The person who tries and ignores the irritating noise does not get quality sleep and they are likely to wake up in the morning grumpy and tired. now think of them doing it every night! They might get used to it but if they were to just fix the problem it would make a world of difference for them. the funny thing about problems, though, is that they tend to get worse and not just stay the same. So the dripping faucet becomes a ragging waterfall that soaks the person and chills them to the bone. Try sleeping in that!
If I don't face my problems why should someone else do it, and why would they want to? Now let us continue with the image of that leaking faucet. Imagine that you have tried to stand that leaky faucet for a few weeks but it is getting worse. Now you have to fix some plumbing issues that have come from not fixing the problem in the first place. You need to fix it, but it is so hard! If you do not decide to fix it you may think... oh the plumber needs to fix it! So you call the p;umber and you insist that he fix it. He tells you how much it will cost and you get angry. You say, "I didn't cause the problem! Why should I have to pay that? You are the plumber! you have to fix it!" The plumber says, "look if you don't pay I wont fix it, I have to make money and I do that by doing what you don't want to do." You say, "Can't you just do it out of the goodness of your heart?" The plumber replies, "If I did that every time someone had a plumbing problem I would not make any money at all." You say, "Humph!" The plumber leaves thinking "That was a waste of my time. We'll see if he likes what I'll charge when he has Niagara Falls in his bathroom."
Do I want to take on another person's problems just because they don't want to face them? Put yourself in the shoes of the people that you want to fix your problems. You might think you have, but you only do it from the stand point that they have so much and I have a greater need than they do. Right... you think that plumber should fix your leak or soon to be broken pipe. Well the plumber goes home and he has a problem of his own. He has termites. But you didn't know that because you though you were the only person with problems. He does his best to exterminate them and him might succeed because he is willing to do what it takes. But if he cannot do it himself he pays someone else to do it, or he might even trade work to get it done. Remember everyone has problems. Financial hard-times come to everyone. There are family problems, disasters, accidents, disease, debt and more. If you try and force your problems one others you make life worse for you and for others. So what are you going to do to make things better? In the end it all comes down to you.
What kind of person do I want to become? There is only one person that can run your life and that is you. When you insist someone else to fix the problems in your life you will end up losing your ability to choose. If you are not willing to take your life in your own hands then you will not be able guide where your life goes. You cannot have others solve all your problems and do what you want to as well. They are opposites and they cannot live together. As Newton stated in his law of motion, "To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction: or the forces of two bodies on each other are always equal and are directed in opposite directions." Or simply there are always opposites and you cannot have one without the other.

So to the protestors and to others who have this sense of entitlement. Wake up to reality! How long do you think you can through your problems on others until it comes back to you. If you have student loans you can only blame yourself. If there are not jobs it does not mean that you should be able to get out of debt. it does not make the bank the bad guy. If that is the only way to gain an education perhaps the universities are charging too much, but that is a whole different issue. Step up and own your problems. By trying to make banks pay will cause the problem to get passed around. The bank will get what it needs from the people which will includes you. If you collapse the system your debt may seem to go away but you will have a whole different problem that will make the debt seem insignificant. instead of the dripping faucet you will have a raging Niagara Falls gorged on your unwillingness to be an adult in your actions.

I ask you all to look at what you are asking. You will not be fixing your problems and you will be making worse ones. If you you have passed the point of human feeling (Which is the case if you pursue this course after being shown the results that will occur) you are a then a danger to yourself and to others. If that is the case then the only thing good people can do is lock you up and perhaps try you for attempting to destroy the freedoms of others.

General Conference was great! It is nice to be able to have something outside of the monotony of life. Don't get me wrong... I love life and all it has to offer. But there is something so comforting about being able to hear the word of the Lord from modern-day prophets and revelation. Not only to listen to prophets but to be touched by the spirit and receive personal revelation as well.

I stated in my last post that General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was having a General Conference this weekend. If you missed it you can still see it and read it, and I invite you to do so. I was able to listen and watch it. I also had the special opportunity to physically go to two of the five sessions of General Conference. I was uplifted by the words and messages given.

Some parts I would like to share are:

"The most powerful being in the universe is the father of your spirit. He knows you, He loves you with a perfect love. God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season. He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him."  - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Six new temple were announced to be built in Provo, Utah; Barranquilla, Colombia; Durban, South Africa; Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo; Paris, France; and Star Valley, Wyoming. 

"Our Heavenly Father loves us so much that the things that are important to us become important to him, just because he loves us."  - Elder J. Devn Cornish

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said in short that we owe Jesus Christ everything and for that reason we should follow him and serve him.

There were also points of  that having children (when, number, etc) should be between the husband and wife and the Lord (In that I think the Lord is many times left out or people decide that they will just tell the Lord what they are doing and that he will be fine with it... just because they want it.); service and helping the poor and needy are important in the gospel of Christ and not just an afterthought; we need to stand up for our beliefs even if we stand alone. There were many other great points but I'll let you look at them yourself. 

I said that I had been able to physically go to some of the sessions of conference. While there I did see a few people I know which was nice. I also got to speak to a few photographers about their jobs and to get their emails to get to know their employers and work. I wanted to do this because I received my minor in photography and I would like to pursue it.


Another great thing about this weekend was that after all of the sessions of General Conference my wife and I got to spend time with family and have good food and conversations. A great way to finish off a great weekend.

This coming weekend is my and my wife's two year wedding anniversary!